Week 14 Story: I know what you did
Sneaking into the window, I saw a shadow and knew I was
screwed. I pulled myself into my room, head down, ready to take my punishment.
Weirdly my bedroom light did not flick on with urgency and suddenly I was
scared. If one of my parents wasn’t in my room, who was? All of these thoughts
rushed through my head as I fumbled to turn on my phone’s flashlight. I pulled
it up and turned towards the shadow, illuminating my little brother.
“What the heck are you doing in here?” I scream whispered.
I was very aware I had just been caught sneaking back into
my room, but also I was pissed. The question was rhetorical, as I could see my
brother had found my secret stash of money and was trying to hide that by
shoving it in his pocket.
“What the heck are you doing sneaking out? I am so telling
mom” he responded.
“You can’t tell mom, I just caught you stealing! And I am in
my room, you have no proof that I was ever not.”
I could tell I had stumped my little brother, but I saw the
wheels turning in his head and I knew I did not have much time to get ahead of
this.
“Give me my money back and I wont say anything. Then we will
be even.” I said walking towards him.
He almost bought it and then he gave me a look that let me
know he had a different plan.
“How about I keep the money in exchange for keeping your
secret?” he said.
“No, you wouldn’t even know that I was not in here had you
not been in my room in the first place!”
“So what!” he said raising his voice. I calculated outcomes
and came to an idea.
“How about we let Jenny, James, and Jane decide?” I said
listing off our siblings who were fast asleep.
“Deal!” He said and we were off to Jenny’s bedroom. We woke
her up and explained the situation. Jenny had always been a hard sleeper and it
was easy to tell she was not quite awake.
“You shouldn’t have snuck out and you would have seen John
get your money. He should keep it” she mumbled. That was not the response I
wanted, but I still had two siblings to go. We went to see James next who was
awake and playing video games.
He was not happy to be disturbed in the middle of a game,
but after his character died, he turned to us.
“Julie, you told on me last week when I ran into the mailbox
so I think John should keep the money,” he said smirking. I had forgotten about
that, but I convinced John to see what Jane had to say. She was the oldest so
maybe she would persuade the others.
We went to Jane’s room. She was up reading and we explained
it all to her. She thought for a second and then said, “Give me the money, John.
I want to count it to see how much you took.”
John quickly handed the money over and without counting it
Jane shoved it in her pocket.
With the quick motion she said, “You are both in the wrong
and I know what both of you did. Go to sleep or I will tell on both of you.”
John being the less confrontational of the two of us,
quickly retreated. I started to leave but then remembered an advantage.
“Jane,” I said slowly turned, “remember two nights ago when
your boyfriend was over? I saw you sneak him in so if you tell on me, I will
tell on you.” Jane rolled her eyes and slapped the money into my hand.
“Get out of my room,” Julie grimaced and turned out her
light.
Author's note: I based this story on a jacobs tale. It was about a man and snake arguing if the snake should be grateful enough of the man who saved him not to eat him. They asked three passerbys and eventually, the snake was tricked and so was the fox who tricked him. I changed the story completely to be all human and about a sibling set. I kept the same theme of who should be indebted to whom, but turned it into a more realistic setting of siblings arguing over whether to tell their parents about the others' wrongdoings.
Image information: Bedroom window at night, Pixabay
Bibliography: Europa's Fairy Book by Joseph Jacobs and illustrated by John Batten (1916).
Hey Kennedie! I loved your story! At first I thought it was going to be a scary story and I was intrigued. Then I realized what was going on and thought "Oh no!" This is definitely a relevant brother and sister type of argument so this story can be very realistic. The dialogue worked really well!
ReplyDeleteHey Kennedie,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great story and I love that I was able to read it. I am from the other class and even without having any previous knowledge of the original story it was still very easy for me to understand. It is a very realistic story and it kept my attention until the very end.
Kennedie, I really liked how creative your story was. The dialogue was very real, and I could really imagine a group of siblings squabbling like this! I would explain the story's origins a little bit more in your author's note though, like where it is from logistically and what kind of tale it is.
ReplyDeleteHey there Kennedie, I really loved your story. It is easy to read and follow along with as you wrote it with such a modern tone. It is so hard to make dialogue flow easily when you want characters to have their own individual personalities, but at the same time to say a certain thing... however, you did such a great job at this!
ReplyDeleteHello Kennedie, I thought your story was really interesting. I liked your use of dialog, I always find that fun to write. I would not have guessed that this was not an original story, so I applaud you on that. I also think you use of action words was done really well, sometimes I find that can be challenging.
ReplyDelete