Week 4 story: The night before
THIS STORY HAS BEEN ADDED TO MY Portfolio
I was quietly sitting in my bedroom with my mother when it happened. It was the night before my wedding and I was buzzing. I couldn’t believe I was going to finally marry the man of my dreams. So I was sitting with my mother in my room when the craziness happened. Men in dirty clothes burst into the room and began yelling. It all happened so fast that I did not even know what was going on. They continued to yell and then one grabbed my arm and began to pull me out of the room. I tried kicking him and even biting at one point to try and get away. My mother held onto my arm pulling my back until they threw her off of me. They drug me outside and pulled me through the woods. I tried to be brave but it was hard not to cry. I could see the dream of being married slipping through my fingers.
I was quietly sitting in my bedroom with my mother when it happened. It was the night before my wedding and I was buzzing. I couldn’t believe I was going to finally marry the man of my dreams. So I was sitting with my mother in my room when the craziness happened. Men in dirty clothes burst into the room and began yelling. It all happened so fast that I did not even know what was going on. They continued to yell and then one grabbed my arm and began to pull me out of the room. I tried kicking him and even biting at one point to try and get away. My mother held onto my arm pulling my back until they threw her off of me. They drug me outside and pulled me through the woods. I tried to be brave but it was hard not to cry. I could see the dream of being married slipping through my fingers.
Soon, we came to their camp where they put me in the corner. One man
tried to console me by saying that they would not hurt me, they just wanted a
ransom but he soon grew irritated when I would not calm down. He called for the
creepy, old woman who I had seen lurking towards the back of the camp and told
her to shut me up. The old woman continued to try to get me to stop crying but
I was a little upset since I had been stolen from my home the night before the
wedding. The old woman began to become irritated as well asking why I was so
upset. I told her through broken breaths what had happened as I tried to stop
sobbing. She seemed to take pity on my predicament and said she was going to
tell me a story. She then began a tale that would seem to go on for years. She
was a very monotone speaker and soon I began to doze off. She talked on and on
and her story intertwined into my dreams.
When I woke, the men had all left the
camp again leaving a lame donkey and me alone with the woman who was still
speaking. She didn’t seem to notice that I had slept through the entire story
as it obviously came to a close. As she ended the story, the donkey suddenly
broke loose from his halter and began to run away. He was a tad slow and the
old woman was surprisingly in shape and she grabbed onto what was left of his
halter. She began to scream for help as they struggled for power. I soon
realized that this was my moment and rushed to aid the donkey. I pushed the old
woman down and swung myself onto the back of the donkey. I spurred him on
promising him a life of ease if he just took me back to my home. I could still
make my wedding if he hurried.
Author's note: This story is based on the girl in Cupid and Psyche. I flipped the story to her perspective and left out Cupid and Psyche's story to focus on the background story going on while the old woman told about how Cupid and Psyche got together.
image information: Donkey, Geograph
bibliography: Apuleius's Golden Ass, as translated into English by Tony Kline (2013).
I think it’s a very interesting approach to leave out the base story and focus on what was happening around the story teller at the time. I like how you provided some lead in for the female character who was kidnapped so that she had more personality this time around. In the main story she definitely seemed to be more frantic than anyone else, which could come off a bit on the irritative side even considering her situation (at least for me it was that way). So I liked that part of your rendition! She seemed more human and less like just randsom. Something I think would have been great to do is to add in some more thought during her time with these mongrels and older woman. She was so abrupt to using the donkey as her escape that she didn’t think “How do I tame this donkey enough to ride him” or “How strong will he be going forward? Has he eaten enough” or maybe even “I’m not sure how far these mongrels are from here and if the older woman catches me what will I do then?” Your approach made the main female “kidnapee” seem as though she could have more sense and control of the situation, so I think it would really help develop out your story to give her traits like thought. Regardless if it’s frantic thought filled with fear or even if it’s a devised plan that’s clear and meticulous. It would be a great addition!
ReplyDeleteHi Kennedie!
ReplyDeleteI love this version of Cupid and Psyche! I read this story as well and wrote my own version, however I did not think to tell the story from the kidnapped girls point of view! This opened a whole new perspective to the story I could have told, I wish I would of told the girls response to the old woman's story. Overall you did a great job expressing the feeling the girl probably felt. I enjoy that you kept the story short, however you could have expanded detail and gone on easily. If you are doing a portfolio for your final project, this would be a great one to add and expand to!
Hey Kennedie, I think this was a great story to read. It was short and sweet but it still had substantial information to create a full story. Your approach to writing the story was really creative because I don't think I would have taken the background story and focused on it. I think that is a great way to retell the story and it also gives you more room to work with because there aren't going to be many retellings of it and you can go in any direction you want. Great job!
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